I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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