I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
should my penis look like a turkey
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
