Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize