But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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