Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
