In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
