Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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