she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
