Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
