6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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