god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
