walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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