How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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