rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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