Plan B is the new Plan A
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize