Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
