at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
