Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
