I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
