If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
