found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
