How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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