i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
