Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Randomize
