You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
