did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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