I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
