Sry I called you an 8
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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