it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
