woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
