i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
