her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
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She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
then he tried to convert me to islam
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
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Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
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