John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
