i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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