is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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