Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
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He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.