seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!