Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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