The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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