I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
No subtext here. People are naked.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it