Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Randomize
