U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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