I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood