I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
