My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?