I'm laying in your front yard are you home
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
