I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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