Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
