i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Randomize
