So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
