First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
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