I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
im holly from the hills drunk
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize
