When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
