just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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