I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I can text with my tongue
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
