Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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