Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
