as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Randomize
