I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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