did you get engaged???
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
