And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
