Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
