These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
