i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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