Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
