dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
