No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
