At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Randomize
