she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
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Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
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And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize