either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i can't believe i had my finger in that
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Randomize
