these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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