people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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