Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
