whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
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