Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
