watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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