i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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