When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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