so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
