my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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