A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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