Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
