walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
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