nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Terrible idea I love it
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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