Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
