I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
