I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
