i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
