So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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